Our love is all of God's money
I can not, I refuse not to believe how fast life moves and how much of it slips through your fingers before you realize it. And tonight is no exception. A short trip online lasted hours before I realized where the time went.
Here's something that's really sad for me. Just before writing this I wrote quite a bit of material that I erased and couldnt get back, therefore wasting even more time bringing me minutes closer to my death. It's not all that morbid though. I'm just a little dissappointed. Anywho, I'm going to try and recap what it was I previously wrote.
I'm blogging for no particular reason tonight other than I have a Wilco song in my head. If the reader doesn't know, the title of this blog is a line from a Wilco song ( I knew you knew that Michelle, but someday I may acquire another reader). And it's kind of satisfiying blogging. Being satisfied is not something that's common in my walk of life currently. Everyday life is clogging my veins and arteries full of goo and cholesterol that is slowly but surely killing me. Nothing bad is really happening, but I hope so badly sometimes for more. More time, it runs out so quickly. More money, that runs out even quicker. More passion, inspiration and reasons to continue doing things the way I continue to do them.
And here's a thought about friendship. I was so lonely for sooo long until I connected with a neighbor of mine to do what we call a life-transformation group. I felt for almost three years I was destined to never venture outside of my own household ( and as wonderful as my family is, when I leave for a time and return, I know the context of my life, I know how good what I have is). Now days I'm working for my father in law on wednesdays and that is when I would meet with my friend. This friend has quickly become my best, and just about only friend outside of my home, and I feel like it's over. I know it's not truly over, but it's hard for me when I feel like I'm working so often I won't be able to have time to keep a constant dialogue with him. I'm afraid, but not really, just kind of, that it's going to be like before. Before meaning when I worried and worried what was wrong with me because what ever friend I tried to make was not interested in me or was an acquaintance who never wanted to go beyond small talk with me. I did pray for a friend, often I feel. It was answered, but not before a lot of heartache, a type I don't care for again. It sounds like I talking about my wife leaving me or something, and I would so much more devasted if I was talking about rejection from my wonderful wife, but the rejection I've felt in whatever small way in the past, I don't want to relive. So I hope and pray my friend is still my friend even if it's hard for me to see him on a regular basis. But it is the regular basis I will miss so much.
Last cigarette's, all you can get, spinning your orbit around.
